A Is for Elizabeth Read online




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  Table of Contents

  About the Author and Illustrator

  Copyright Page

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  To Sarah, Katrina, and Becky Ross. Each first, each best, all fierce and strong and full of love. —R.V.

  For my very good friend, Phyllis —P.K.

  Chapter

  1

  Good news!

  Ms. Patel told us today we have homework.

  We are in second grade now.

  So we get homework!

  This is the day I’ve been waiting for!

  The homework is: Make name posters.

  Posters of our names!

  I raised my hand.

  “Elizabeth?” Ms. Patel said, smiling at me.

  “Can we make anybody’s name we want?” I asked. “In the whole 2B class?”

  “No,” said Ms. Patel. “You each make your own name.”

  That news was the opposite of good.

  Chapter

  2

  “Some people have much longer names than other people,” I explained to Ms. Patel.

  “True,” Ms. Patel said.

  “Hey! That means some people will have to do more work,” Bucky said.

  Bucky’s name is Bucky.

  It has only five letters in it.

  My name is Elizabeth.

  It has a bajillion letters.

  Bucky is my best friend.

  “Be creative!” Ms. Patel said. “Have fun making your names!”

  “That is not fair,” I said.

  “Not everything is fair,” said Anna, without even raising her hand.

  Anna is not my best friend.

  Chapter

  3

  “And Friday, when you bring in your posters, we will hang them all up!” Ms. Patel said.

  We all cheered. Class 2B will look so much better covered in posters!

  “We will hang them around Class 2B in alphabetical order,” Ms. Patel said.

  Only some of us cheered at that news.

  “Who can remind Class 2B what alphabetical order is?” Ms. Patel asked us. “Hands, please.”

  Anna’s hand was the first one up.

  Anna LOVES being first.

  “In the order of the alphabet!” Anna yelled.

  Ms. Patel hadn’t even finished saying the whole name of Anna.

  She was still on the An.

  “Like, first A…” Anna said.

  And she smiled that T. rex smile of hers.

  “That’s right,” Ms. Patel said. “So we—”

  “Then B,” said Anna.

  “Yes,” said Ms. Patel. “So, we will hang—”

  “Then C,” Anna said.

  “Thank you, Anna,” said Ms. Patel.

  “You’re welcome,” Anna said.

  Chapter

  4

  After that, it was time for recess.

  Anna was first in line. Of course.

  Because of alphabetical order.

  When we got to the swings, I explained to her quietly, “Nobody likes a show-off, Anna Banana.”

  Anna shrugged and said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”

  Chapter

  5

  I don’t know why sticks and stones may break Anna’s bones.

  Maybe Anna is allergic to sticks and stones.

  Bucky is allergic to peanuts.

  Chapter

  6

  Anna always gets to be first.

  Her name poster will be first.

  Also, Anna always gets to sit next to my best friend, Bucky.

  All because of the alphabet.

  And its order.

  And that A up at the front of her name.

  A is for Anna.

  A is also for Annoying.

  Chapter

  7

  The E up at the front of my name, Elizabeth, is my problem.

  It is the reason I am always stuck between Dan and Fiona.

  Dan smells like sneakers and Fiona hardly talks at all.

  Recess was done.

  I had to line up to go back into school between Smelly and Silent.

  Chapter

  8

  Today in school, I was still writing my name when everybody else had already finished writing.

  Today is Wednesday.

  Wednesday is the worst day to write. It has so many extra letters.

  Like my name.

  My extra letters leaked down the side of my paper.

  Now it is Wednesday night.

  I have not started my name poster.

  Why oh why did those parents name me such a long thing as Elizabeth?

  Chapter

  9

  Hooray for today because it is Thursday, and I finally got a great idea for my poster!

  There is only one problem with it.

  THINGS I AM NOT ALLOWED TO BRING INTO THE HOUSE

  1. Sticks

  2. Rocks

  3. A bad attitude

  THINGS I BROUGHT INTO THE HOUSE TODAY

  1. Sticks

  2. Rocks

  3. A bad attitude

  Chapter

  10

  Well.

  I had good reasons.

  ALPHABETICAL ORDER is the good reason I brought a bad attitude into our house all week.

  I did not have a good reason for bringing in the rocks.

  Chapter

  11

  Hang on. I had TWO reasons to bring in rocks.

  One of the reasons is a good reason!

  The good reason is: decoration.

  Decoration is good.

  Like on a birthday cake.

  Or, if you have time and bubbles, on your head in the bath.

  Chapter

  12

  The other reason for bringing rocks into the house is a not good reason.

  It is the kind of reason that is the opposite of good.

  It is because rocks means the same thing as stones.

  And because of the thing that Anna said about her bones.

  Chapter

  13

  One of the reasons I brought the sticks into the house is a GOOD reason.

  It is:

  I will make the letters on my name poster out of sticks.

  I will glue the letters made of sticks onto poster board.

  That is a creative and fun idea!

  I will have the best name poster in Class 2B!

  Chapter

  14

  I ran downstairs to tell my parents the exciting news about my project.

  “I have homework to do tonight!” I told them. “And I collected the supplies all by myself!”

  “What supplies?” asked Mom.

  I did not want to get in trouble about the rocks or the sticks.

  “Never mind about that,” I told her. “All I need now is poster board!”

  “Poster board?” asked Dad.

  “Yes,” I said. “For my homework.”

  “Elizabeth,” sa
id Mom. “It’s after dinnertime!”

  “The store closes at six p.m., Elizabeth!” said Dad.

  “Daddy will have to drive all over Kingdom Come to find poster board at this time of night!” Mom yelled.

  “Me?” Dad asked her.

  “Woof woof woof!” added our dog, Qwerty.

  “What is Kingdom Come?” I asked. “Is that a real place? Are there dragons in Kingdom Come? Do dragons like poster board?”

  Chapter

  15

  There is a rule in our family that I forgot all about.

  It is:

  No saying the words Poster Board after 6:00 p.m.

  Chapter

  16

  “You said it, too,” I told Mom.

  “Said what?” she asked me.

  “The words that rhyme with toaster sword…”

  “Toaster sword?” she asked.

  “Yes,” I said.

  I whispered the words poster board.

  “You said those words at least five seconds later in the night than I did, Mom.”

  Mom shook her head.

  Dad shook his head.

  They both did loud breathing.

  That is what they do when I make a good point and win the argument.

  Even if there is no trophy involved, I love winning.

  I am not a sore winner, no matter what Anna the Annoying says.

  I am the opposite of sore.

  I am a feel-great winner.

  Chapter

  17

  Dad plucked his keys off the hook and asked, “Do we need anything else while I’m out?”

  My big brother, Justin, didn’t need anything.

  Of course.

  “No, thanks,” he said.

  Mom rubbed his curly hair like he was her good-luck charm.

  “Well,” I said. “Actually, some strong glue would probably be a good idea.”

  “Strong glue?” Mom asked.

  “To glue my sticks onto the—you know. Thing that rhymes with boaster floored.” I whispered the last part.

  Chapter

  18

  “Sticks?” Mom asked.

  Chapter

  19

  WHAT I TOLD MOM ABOUT WHY I AM MAKING MY NAME OUT OF STICKS:

  “Other kids are doing glitter.”

  Last time I used glitter, Mom said, “Glitter is a nightmare.”

  She threw all the glitter in the garbage, even the glitter that didn’t have glue or our dog in it.

  WHAT MOM SAID ABOUT STICKS INSTEAD OF GLITTER:

  “Sticks are a fine idea.”

  WHAT I DIDN’T TELL MOM ABOUT WHY I AM MAKING MY NAME OUT OF STICKS:

  The truth.

  Chapter

  20

  I had an idea!

  I ran downstairs.

  “Maybe you could call Daddy,” I said.

  “Why?” Mom asked.

  “To ask if he can get the biggest piece of you know what that they have in the kingdom.”

  “What kingdom?” Mom asked.

  “Kingdom Come,” I said.

  “That’s an expression,” Mom said.

  “Well, whichever kingdom where he is buying the … thing that rhymes with floaster snored!”

  “There’s no kingdom,” Mom said.

  “So why did you say Daddy was going there?”

  “Elizabeth,” Mom said. “When did Ms. Patel tell you about this project?”

  “Tuesday,” I told her.

  “Elizabeth!” said Mom. “Today is Thursday!”

  “I know! I meant to ask every day, but then, every day? I forgot,” I explained.

  “Elizabeth,” she said again.

  “I’m still new at homework,” I said.

  “True,” Mom said, and she rubbed my hair.

  Sometimes I am her good-luck charm.

  Chapter

  21

  Mom called Dad.

  I danced around, very happy again about my project.

  The reason I needed the most gigantic poster board of all of Class 2B is:

  The name Elizabeth has a bajillion letters in it!

  So maybe I will have the biggest poster in the whole Class 2B!

  The name Anna has only two letters to start it, and then those same two letters, backing up.

  You could do a whole project of that little name on a Post-it Note.

  Chapter

  22

  I twirled around my room waiting for Dad to get home from Not A Kingdom.

  I tried to make some room on my desk for doing homework.

  My brother, Justin, is not the only one with homework now.

  I have a new desk in my room.

  I have my own set of markers.

  I have a great idea.

  Soon I will be at the front of everything.

  Chapter

  23

  There was not enough room on my desk.

  I spread the sticks and stones out on my rug.

  I looked at them.

  My dog, Qwerty, looked, too.

  I could tell he thought my idea was the opposite of good.

  He kept trying to take those sticks away.

  Qwerty is a dog.

  He has never had homework.

  But I was a little bit worrying that maybe he was right, anyway.

  Because I kept imagining a very scary thing:

  Me in Class 2B tomorrow, holding my poster board with my name made out of sticks and stones.

  And then all of Anna’s bones, breaking.

  Maybe I should borrow Justin’s markers instead.

  I could promise to not press so hard I smoosh their heads in.

  I’ll ask him.

  Anna is a show-off, but I don’t really want all her bones to break.

  Chapter

  24

  Maybe only one small bone.

  Maybe just a sprain.

  Anna could go to the nurse’s office and sit on the crinkle-paper bench.

  She could relax for a while with her sprained bone.

  Instead of smiling all the time right in everybody’s face.

  Chapter

  25

  Justin said no to borrowing his markers.

  He said I always smoosh their heads in.

  He asked, “Why don’t you use your own markers?”

  I said, “Because their heads are all smooshed in.”

  Chapter

  26

  I used the drippy glue Dad bought, and all my rocks and sticks.

  I showed Justin how cool it looked when I finished.

  “You used so much glue,” he said.

  “I needed it,” I said.

  “Your sticks are like kayaks in glue ponds,” he said.

  “They’re not kayaks,” I said. “They are letters.”

  “What are you making?” he asked.

  “My name,” I explained.

  “I thought your name was Elizabeth,” he said.

  Chapter

  27

  “Sometimes the name Elizabeth starts with the letter A,” I explained to Justin.

  “No it doesn’t,” he said.

  Justin is in fifth grade, so he thinks he knows everything.

  “Sometimes it does,” I said.

  “Never,” he said.

  “Haven’t you ever heard of sound it out?” I asked.

  Justin looked confused. Ha! Even fifth graders don’t know everything.

  “Annoying. Amazing,” I said. “Sound it out. What letter makes the uh sound at the beginning?”

  “An A,” Justin said.

  “AHA!” I said. “And my name starts with the same sound! A-lizabeth!”

  “But your name starts with E,” he said.

  “Sometimes,” I said.

  “Always!”

  “Also, sometimes my name has a bunch of Ms in it. Like a whole little set of mountains.”

  Ms take so many of the little sticks.

  “No!” Justin said. “There are no Ms in Elizabeth!”
r />   “Sometimes there are rocks in my name, like this! They are sometimes the dot.”

  “The dot?” Justin asked. “What even is that?”

  “It is called an ex-pla-nation point,” I said as my ex-pla-nation.

  “Ex-CLA-mation point!” Justin yelled. “It’s an ex-CLA-mation point, not an ex-PLA-nation point!”

  “Yeah, well, stop explaining, then!” I yelled at him.

  He can be very frustrating.

  “But, Elizabeth,” he said. “Names don’t have—”

  “I have three of those points in my name,” I exPLained.

  “No, you don’t,” said Justin.

  “See? I do!” I showed him. “But sometimes the rocks make the letter O. Sometimes my name has seven Os in it.”

  “No, it doesn’t!” Justin yelled louder. “It has zero Os! Your name is spelled E-L-I-Z-A-B-E-T-H!”

  “Sometimes,” I agreed.

  “ALWAYS! ALWAYS!” Justin shouted. “THAT IS HOW SPELLING WORKS!”

  “Maybe for your name,” I said.

  Chapter

  28

  The poster did not look the way I had planned.

  Some of the sticks and stones had trouble staying where I put them.

  Sometimes I have trouble staying put, too.

  So I get it.

  But still.

  All Mom and Dad care about is bedtime, even when there is a poster crisis.