Cat Ears on Elizabeth Read online

  Begin Reading

  Table of Contents

  About the Authors

  Copyright Page

  Thank you for buying this

  Feiwel and Friends ebook.

  To receive special offers, bonus content,

  and info on new releases and other great reads,

  sign up for our newsletters.

  Or visit us online at

  us.macmillan.com/newslettersignup

  For email updates on Rachel Vail, click here.

  For email updates on Paige Keiser, click here.

  The author and publisher have provided this e-book to you for your personal use only. You may not make this e-book publicly available in any way. Copyright infringement is against the law. If you believe the copy of this e-book you are reading infringes on the author’s copyright, please notify the publisher at: us.macmillanusa.com/piracy.

  To Carin, brilliant friend and artist—with walks, rants, love, and celebrations. Let’s keep solving everything together. —R.V.

  For Bradley —P.K.

  Chapter 1

  In second grade, we all look great!

  It is not only Mallory who looks great.

  That’s what Ms. Patel says.

  Ms. Patel is our Class 2B teacher.

  She is very beautiful.

  She has mooshy-gooshy arms.

  She has smile-crinkles near her eyes.

  And earrings. Sometimes she has a barrette in her hair.

  We all look different, Ms. Patel said yesterday.

  But everybody in the whole second grade looks GREAT!

  Mallory has glitter folders and bright orange sneakers and a huge pink eraser.

  And Mallory has cat ears on her headband.

  Chapter 2

  Today Anna came to school with cat ears on her headband, too.

  She was showing it off to everybody, all day.

  “You look great,” Mallory told Anna.

  “We both do!” said Anna. “We both look great!”

  They jumped around in a circle holding hands, yelling, “Don’t we look great?”

  “Yes!” Bucky told them. “You look like cats! I love cats!”

  Bucky is my best friend.

  He did not say I look like a cat.

  He did not say I look great.

  Cat ears on your headband is not the only way to look great.

  But it is a very good way.

  Chapter 3

  I don’t have cat ears on my anything.

  I don’t have any headband at all.

  Mine got lost.

  Headbands squish my brains out.

  That’s why I had to take it off so much.

  And then I don’t know what happened to it.

  It wasn’t my fault.

  My unsquished head felt very naked and not-great the whole large recess time today.

  Chapter 4

  “I need a cat-ears headband!” I told Mom after school.

  “A what?” she asked.

  “Right away!” I yelled. “I NEED one!”

  “Elizabeth,” Mom said. She said it like Eeeeee-lizzzz-ahhhh-bethhhhh.

  She says my name soooo slowly when she does not understand that something is an emergency.

  “This is an emergency,” I explained. “We have to go to the headband store right away!”

  “Buckle your seat belt,” said Mom.

  I did.

  I buckled right up for speeding to the headband store.

  “Do we have a siren and red swirly lights on our car?” I asked.

  Sirens and red swirly lights make cars go very fast.

  Like police and fire trucks and an ambulance.

  Chapter 5

  We did not have those things.

  Mom is a slow driver, with a lot of looking in the mirrors and windows.

  Sometimes I forget which is windows and which is mirrors.

  A mirror is the same as a window, except it’s just you again, on both sides.

  The window of the car looked like I was outside, riding along, with a stormy-Elizabeth face.

  This is why mirrors and windows are confusing.

  “I need! A cat-ears! Headband!” I yelled at outside-me, who also didn’t have one.

  “You said headbands squish your brains out,” Mom said.

  “That was when I was younger,” I said. “My skull is stronger now.”

  “That was two weeks ago,” said Mom.

  “When I was two weeks younger!” I explained.

  “She is very hardheaded,” said my brother, Justin.

  “Thank you, Justin,” I said.

  Mom made breathing noises.

  “I can bang this hard head against the window and show you,” I offered.

  Mom said, “NO.”

  Chapter 6

  Mom also said NO to getting a cat-ears headband.

  “NO is your favorite word,” I said.

  “Elizabeth,” Mom said. “There is no reason to be nasty.”

  “Ever?” I asked.

  “Ever,” Mom said.

  “What about the rule of Tell the Truth?” I asked.

  Mom looked at me with the mirror. “It’s not lying if you keep a mean thought to yourself. You’re allowed to think anything, inside the privacy of your own strong head.”

  So the rest of the way home, I kept that mean thought inside my own strong head:

  NO is Mom’s favorite word.

  I thought it over and over without stopping:

  NO is Mom’s favorite word NO is Mom’s favorite word NO

  It was such a loud, angry sentence I couldn’t even hear the music Mom turned on.

  Chapter 7

  We went straight home instead of to the headband store.

  I went straight up to my room to sulk.

  I was keeping and keeping my mean thought inside my strong head for possible use later.

  In case Mom was wrong and there sometimes is a reason to be nasty, I wanted to have it ready.

  I wrote it down:

  MOM NO on an index card and hid it under my socks.

  Writing it down was still keeping it to myself, even though it was outside my strong head.

  Chapter 8

  My stuffed dog-rabbit, Dolores, and my Really Dog, Qwerty, tried to cuddle me up.

  They thought I looked great.

  But they never saw how great I would look in a cat-ears headband.

  I made a wish:

  Please, somebody give me a cat-ears headband to wear to school tomorrow so I will look great like Mallory and Anna.

  Dolores and Qwerty had no cat-ears headbands, or they would share.

  They didn’t have any ideas to share, either.

  Chapter 9

  I had a great idea!

  All by myself!

  Well, with the help of my eyes.

  My eyes saw an important thing on my desk.

  It was: GLUE!

  I have glue! And other art things!

  We could make me a cat-ears headband!

  I have trouble with glue because it always comes out not enough and then too much.

  But Mom and Dad are very good at gluing.

  All I had to do was find cat ears!

  And a headband!

  Because I already have glue!

  Chapter 10

  I found so many things in my closet, when I emptied it into my room.

  I found my old stuffty named Marina and also that nightgown I love that I forgot about!

  I found my favorite old doll named Harry! Or maybe it was Joan.

  I found my play phone that is also a calculator.

  I sat down on my pile of everything and called my imaginary friends.

  Their names are Mrs. Noodleman and Mr. Nood
leman.

  I told Mrs. Noodleman and Mr. Noodleman about the cat-ears-headband emergency.

  You are right, Elizabeth, said Mrs. Noodleman. You would look great in a cat-ears headband!

  You would not lose it like all those old headbands, said Mr. Noodleman.

  Those headbands did not have cat ears on them, Mrs. Noodleman said.

  Good point, Mrs. Noodleman, said Mr. Noodleman.

  Thank you. Good-bye, I said to the Noodlemans.

  Chapter 11

  “I have a great idea,” I told the Really People in my family at dinner.

  “Uh-oh,” said Dad.

  “No glitter,” said Mom.

  “You’re in luck!” I told them. “This great idea has no glitter! Only glue and a headband! And cat ears!”

  “Glue?” asked Dad.

  “Glue is the part I already have!” I told his worried face.

  “Did you find any of your headbands?” asked Mom.

  “Not yet,” I said. “So that is one problem with my idea. The other problem is, do any of you have spare cat ears?”

  “I’d have to check my toolbox,” Dad said. “Ouch! What?”

  Mom was giving Dad an angry look.

  “Just kidding, Elizabeth,” Dad said. “No, I have no cat ears. Sorry.”

  I slumped in my chair. “You didn’t even check your toolbox.”

  “You can have pigtails tomorrow,” Mom said. “That’ll be easier than trying to make our own cat-ears headband. Less of a mess.”

  Chapter 12

  Fiona has pigtails.

  Fiona is in 2B. She is very quiet, but she is smart, and her pigtails look cute.

  Cali sometimes has pigtails, too.

  We don’t call her Babyish Cali anymore because that is not nice.

  Pigtails might look great on me. But I want to be a cat, not a pig.

  “Or maybe braids,” I said.

  “Okay,” Mom said. “Now eat your dinner.”

  I pushed my peas away from my rice. I do not like when foods touch each other.

  I was thinking about braids. Zora sometimes has braids. I like her braids.

  Getting braids yanks my head-skin.

  Braids make my face feel very stretched to the sides.

  “Or a baseball cap,” I suggested.

  Sometimes Bucky wears a baseball cap.

  “Sure,” Mom said. “Whatever you want. Have some dinner now.”

  Sometimes Ms. Patel wears a barrette in her hair.

  “Or a barrette,” I said.

  “Okay!” Mom said.

  We both smiled, because of being proud of me.

  Chapter 13

  Some of us were less proud of me after they saw the State of my room.

  “Your room is a State,” Dad said.

  I did not know that fact before.

  I had to clean it up, with only a little help.

  Then I had to have a bath and my hair washed.

  I didn’t want to do that, either.

  “You don’t have to like it. You just have to do it,” said Mom.

  That might be a mean thing Mom just said, I thought.

  Mean Mom, I thought at her.

  But I kept those thoughts inside my strong private head.

  Chapter 14

  When I looked at Clean Elizabeth in the mirror, I knew the truth.

  A cap is nothing.

  With a cap on, I would not look like a cat at all.

  I wouldn’t even look like Bucky.

  With pigtails, I wouldn’t look like a piggy, or like Cali or Fiona.

  With a barrette in my hair, I wouldn’t look like Ms. Patel.

  Or a cat, which is what would look great.

  I would just look like Elizabeth, with a barrette.

  Which is nothing.

  I always look like just Elizabeth.

  What I needed was to look like somebody else.

  Somebody who looks great.

  Like Mallory.

  Chapter 15

  Exactly what I needed was:

  1. A cat-ears headband

  Exactly what I did not have:

  1. A cat-ears anything

  2. An anything headband

  3. A good feeling about my day ahead

  Chapter 16

  “No thanks,” I said, when Mom tried to barrette my hair.

  “Why not?” she asked. “I thought you wanted special hair today.”

  “It’s not the same,” I explained.

  “No,” Mom said. “But different is fine! Different is terrific!”

  “Not in Class 2B,” I said.

  “Everywhere!” said Dad.

  “You don’t get it,” I said.

  “That’s my waffle,” said Justin.

  Chapter 17

  I was using the waffle as a berry-smoosher.

  My waffle.

  It used to be Justin’s but not anymore.

  He is too slow an eater. It drives me bonkers.

  “Stop playing with your food,” Dad said.

  “It’s Justin’s food,” I said.

  “You can keep it now,” said Justin.

  “Even berries want to be the same,” I explained.

  “The same as what?” Mom asked.

  “They say they’re BLUEberries or BLACKberries,” I said. “But see? They are all purpleberries when squish comes to shove.”

  “Ew,” said Justin.

  “IT IS AN EXPRESSION!” I explained calmly, with my teeth all purple like a monster.

  Chapter 18

  Waiting for the bus, I pretended my imaginaries were with me instead of my brother.

  You’re a purpleberry, I imagined Mrs. Noodleman saying to Mr. Noodleman.

  You’re a purpleberry, I imagined Mr. Noodleman saying back.

  They tease each other but not in a mean way.

  And their feelings don’t get squished into purple.

  Chapter 19

  I sat on the bus to school next to my best friend, Bucky.

  “Don’t tease me today,” I said to Bucky.

  “Okay,” said Bucky.

  “My feelings are tender today,” I explained.

  “Sometimes that happens,” said Bucky.

  Bucky is a good choice as a best friend.

  I don’t know who Mallory’s best friend is.

  Chapter 20

  Cali had a cat-ears headband on, too.

  At lunch, Mallory and Anna and Cali were all meowing.

  “I’m allergic to cats,” I told them.

  My sandwich was dented.

  Just like my feelings.

  Chapter 21

  Class 2B went outside in the afternoon!

  Usually we are in Class 2B but we lined up and out we went.

  “Wherever we go, we are still Class 2B,” Ms. Patel told us on our way.

  We went all the way to the huge tree at the back of the field.

  We were collecting leaves!

  Each kid in Class 2B gets to choose three beautiful leaves!

  “This tree is such a nice place to visit,” said Ms. Patel, looking up at it.

  I looked up at it, too.

  “It is nice,” I said. “But I would actually rather visit the cat-ears-headband store.”

  Ms. Patel smiled at me and said, “Just looking at this tree’s leaves, and its reaching branches, and its craggy bark, well, that soothes loud feelings.”

  “I have very loud feelings!” I said.

  “I know you do, Elizabeth,” Ms. Patel said.

  “How about you, Ms. Patel?” I asked. “Do you have loud feelings, too?”

  “Yes,” Ms. Patel said. “Sometimes I do.”

  I never knew that before about teachers having loud feelings.

  “Wow,” I said.

  Chapter 22

  We are going to make a class project.

  Everybody will work on it together.

  That will make it beautiful.

  The project is something called a collage.

  We know what
a collage is already, because we are in second grade, not kindergarten.

  A collage is not a fancy way of saying the name for sleepaway school when you are big.

  That is something else.

  I was mostly joking when I said, “A collage is sleepaway school for when you’re big.”

  A collage is:

  You glue things on the big paper and it is a mess.

  I remember that now!

  I love doing a collage!

  I got one small leaf and two bigs.

  We all showed our leaves to each other.

  Anybody whose leaf wasn’t beautiful enough dropped that one and chose a new one.

  “Beautiful!” Ms. Patel kept saying when we showed her our leaves. “Beautiful!”

  Chapter 23

  My grandparents Gingy and Poopsie are babysitting us.

  “Look at you in your swanky clothes,” Gingy said to Mom and Dad, and took a picture.

  Justin got in the picture with them but I didn’t want to.

  Usually Gingy and Poopsie babysitting makes me feel twirly.

  They like games like Trick or Treat, and Library, and Disgusting Dessert Shop.

  Those are my three favorite games, too.

  But tonight I was down in the dumps.

  Because I remembered a terrible thing:

  There are no cat ears on me.

  I didn’t want to be in any pictures.

  I didn’t even want to taste the Disgusting Dessert.

  I had a little, so I wouldn’t hurt their feelings.